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If you love Star Trek and parodies… If the Orville and Galaxy Quest give you as much joy as Wrath of Khan… If you believe (as Tumblr users do) that humans will rule the galaxy because we are the only species crazy enough to tie two warp cores together, reverse the polarity and toss them into a star just to see what will happen…. ….then this is the book for you. These are the voyages of the HMB Impulsive. You know the mission. Let’s meet the crew: • Capt Jeb Tiberius: A good ol’ boy from Texas whose religion requires firm buttocks. • First Officer Commander Phineas Smythe: His uncanny ability to win Rock-Paper-Scissors-Redshirt-Alien means he can pick his away missions. • Chief Engineer Commander Angus Deary: The first person to reverse the polarity by 90 degrees. • Xenologist and Ship’s Sexy, Loreli: A plant-based life form with a perfect figure, she keeps up ship morale – and ratings. • Chief of Security, Enigo Guillermo Ricardo Montoya Guiterrez LaFuentes: Raised on the UGS The Hood, where gang war is a cultural right, he’s not afraid to shoot a fellow crewman. That’s what stun is for! • Ops Officer Ensign Ellie Doall: Fresh from the HMB Mary Sue, she can so just about anything all on her own – and often does. • Transporter Chief, Dolfrick Dour: By the manipulations of technology, he reduces people to their most basic elements and rematerializes them elsewhere. Is it any wonder he’s 23rd Century Goth? Based on the popular blog series (seven fans and rising!), Space Traipse: HMB Series 1 offers the first four episodes (plus a never-before-seen bonus) in editorially remastered binge-able format. Join the author as she reverses the polarity on clichés, breaks the fourth wall and has a rip-roaring time. But it’s not all slapstick. The stories just might touch your heart as well as tickle your funny bone. Don’t believe her? Get the book, pop open a cold one and read!
From the Publisher
Space Traipse: Hold My Beer
Upholding humanity’s reputation as the most reckless species in the galaxy.
There’s a popular theory that humans are the natural leaders of the galaxy not because of our intelligence or strength but because we are the only ones crazy enough to tie two warp cores together, toss them into a star, create a rift in the universe, and sail through, whereupon we find two more warp cores to do the same thing to get back.
Welcome, then, to the world of Space Traipse: Hold My Beer.
We follow the adventures of the HMB Impulsive as it explores new worlds, gets into and out of trouble with new civilizations, and boldly does what no other species has the (insert species-appropriate anatomy here) to do. With an original crew that has its own storylines as well as adventures that parody the best-loved and most reviled episodes of Trek (Spock’s Brain, anyone?), Space Traipse is fun for the Trekkie or any science fiction fan who loves to laugh.
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Size
Story Collection Story Collection Story Collection Story Collection Novelette
Main storyline stories
✓
✓
✓
✓
Parody stories
ST: TOS Shore Leave ST: TOS Amok Time, Ad Astra Phantom of the Opera, TNG: The Perfect Mate ST: TOS Arena, ST: TOS Naked Time, ST: TNG Naked Now ST: Animated Yesteryear
Lt. Loreli
Unwitting object of a love triangle. Roots in soil, causing a diplomatic incident. Teaches Gel the ways of Globbal love. It’s so sad! 🙁 Sniffle
Ensign/Lt. Ellie Doall
Shows her diplomatic genius. Is kind to a janbot. Brief romance with a Logic; saves the ship. Poor Ellie! The Guilt! Also, brain-napped by a janbot. Falls in love. Gets Space Loonies. Saves the ship while naked. Goes back in time to prevent her younger self from wrecking their life.
Lt. Enigo LaFuentes
Kicks alien butt. Stuns a crewman as an object lesson. Falls in love with Loreli. Gets fantasy revenge on an old rival. Fights Gel in a mating ritual. Gets attacked by a turkracken. Gets in a fight with Chief Dour over a movie. Enigo! I’m so sorry! Forgive me! Also, destroys sentient program with his awesome guitar skills. Fends off a hot empath. Bonds with Chief Dour. Gets infected with alien virus and puts Gel in charge while he drinks himself stupid. Warlord Enigo of the Hoodian Armada. Oh, yeah!
Minion/Ensign Gel O’Tin
Restrains a prince. Saves Loreli by enveloping her body, to the envy of most of the male crew Promoted then forced to go home to mate with his childhood bully. Unable to stop hot empath from getting all gloopy. Is a little freaked about it. Sees his old buddies at a space station. Saves the ship when the whole crew is infected with Space Loonies.
Chief Dolfrick Dour
Grumpy, gothy. Saves the Captain’s cousin with arcane teleporter procedures. Gets in fight with Lt. LaFuentes about a movie. Spengler’s Law violation! You did everything you could! Also, deals with depression by teleporting all over the ship. Has to deal with his cheery, beauty queen sister. Bonds with Enigo. Back to being usual grumpy, gothy self.
Captain Jebediah Tiberius
Becomes Keptarian. Goes fishing. Of course, saves the ship from the Cybers. Stops his cousin from elvolving a species to its doom. Family, amIright? I’m sorry, Jeb. I’m so, so sorry. Has a second chance with a long-lost flame. Loses his shirt in a battle against a big ugly lizardman. Gets stuck in Ellie’s alternate timeline until she can fix things.
Commander Phineas Smythe
Gets caught watching Dr. Who. In a fez. Fezzes are cool. Important First Officer stuff. (Winning rock-paper-scissors-redshirt-alien means less mortal danger.) Guess who’s the only one who can tame the hot empath! What happens to a Whovian with Space Loonies? Alternate Universe Phin and Alternate Universe Ellie? Ew!
HMB Timeline
Intergalactic Date, story (collection)
676591.37: Doall’s DoOver676761: Rescue Report/Invoice (Season 5)676763.38: Gamesters of Triskatelion (TBA)676767.67: Best Laid Plans (Season 1)676786.68: Polarity Panic (Season 1)676795.10: Foot in the Door (Season 1)Unmentioned: Day in the Life (Season 1)Unmentioned: Rest Stop (Season 1)676889.4: Lone Star (Season 2)6768901.31: They Left the Duck Blind On (TBA)676904: Amock Time (Season 2)676916.56: The No-Brainer (Season 2)676925.68: Trouble in Filedise (Season 3)676939.42: Phantom of the Cybersphere (Season 3)676947.65: Kippers and Chaos (Season 3)676952.89: Love is Many Stars (Season 4)676999. 57: Captains’ Cage Match (Season 4)677001.32: Naked Impulse (Season 4)677061.20: Voyage to Belon (Season 5)677202.81: Motherclucker (Cracked)677218.11: Put a Ring on It (Planetary Anthologies: Neptune)
Other great series by Karina Fabian from Laser Cow Press
The Old Man and the Void & Dex’s Way: An aging relic hunter on the accretion disk of a black hole gets dragged across the event horizon to new civilizations and new adventures. Science FictionThe Rescue Sisters Series: Short-story adventures of religious sisters who do search and rescue operations in outer space. Science Fiction, Catholic fictionThe DragonEye, PI Series: A snarky dragon detective on the wrong side of the interdimensional gap solves mysteries and protects both universes on an all-too-frequent basis. Fantasy, ComedyNeeta Lyffe, Zombie Exterminator: Humankind beat back the zombie contagion before it became an apocalypse. Now zombies are just another pest. Neeta Lyffe is a California exterminator that specializes in taking out the undead. Horror, Comedy
ASIN : B07X2C9R95
Publisher : Laser Cow Press (August 24, 2019)
Publication date : August 24, 2019
Language : English
File size : 3779 KB
Simultaneous device usage : Unlimited
Text-to-Speech : Enabled
Screen Reader : Supported
Enhanced typesetting : Enabled
X-Ray : Not Enabled
Word Wise : Enabled
Print length : 233 pages
Customers say
Customers find the book entertaining with its witty banter and fun sci-fi humor. They describe it as a brilliant read with compelling characters that play for humor without being mocked.
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